Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Yoga and a night-time varmint.

My mom joined a gym several months ago. It is actually part of the local hospital and is simply known as "The Wellness Center." Its real name is probably something like that with the name of the hospital thrown in for good measure, but, who knows? Anyway, like a lot of us, she went regularly for a time but then hasn't been back in a while. Well, I am actively engaged in the "Weight War" and am fighting the "Battle of the Bulge" everyday.  So, I decided I'd join the same gym and we could be "Wellness Pals." (I asked Haime to join with me, lets just say he opted out).

One of the activities offered at the WC, is a "gentle yoga" class. Since I have never done yoga and am about as flexible as a steel bar, I talked mom into attending the class with me. Yesterday was our first session. We got there late, (actually we were not that late, but when we got to the yoga room, the lights were off so we thought we were in the wrong place...we weren't but our wild goose chase through the entire building added to our tardiness).  Anyway, we go barging in like a couple of rude late-comers, (which we were), and made our way, as gracefully as possible, through a room full of bending, twisting, reaching arms legs and bodies to the opposite side as directed by the instructor. (Had we been allowed to blend in to the wall nearest the door like we intended, those few bending, twisting, reaching bodies that we wove through might not have fallen to the floor...but you never know). So, once we were in our assigned "inner circle" spots, we started trying to do the same "crouching tiger, dog barking up a pyramid" and "eagle resting on a warrior one," (or something like that) poses...God, please don't let there be any hidden cameras in that room!

Yes, that's another
life maybe

The instructor had us going through the paces and would say "breathe through your nose, not your mouth" (I said there is a difference between breathing and gasping! I'm trying to stay alive here...she was not amused). She'd say, inhale when you bend down and exhale when you come up, repeat. Well, between trying to learn the poses, look where I was told to look, align my feet, stretch my "other left" hand toward the sky etc, sometimes I forgot to breathe at all. Then, when I remembered, of course I inhaled when I should have exhaled and vice-versa. Finally, as we were nearing the end of our session, she says that yoga isn't supposed to hurt...WHAT!? Well, I was obviously doing another thing wrong because my legs were literally wobbling (I interpreted this as sobbing), from being manipulated into positions that they haven't been in for over 35 years, OK, NEVER! I asked mom how she felt, of course she felt great! Yep, and we get to do it again tomorrow...yippee.

Before we went to yoga, I mowed my mom's yard. Mom has a beautiful property. It has several feet of river frontage and the house and yard are on a bluff so there is no danger of flooding etc. Anyway, there have always been critters around the house. Raccoons, armadillos, small foxes, dogs, cats, opossums, snakes etc. Well, one of the critters above, (or maybe a Sasquatch) dug a huge hole at the end of the patio outside her back yard. I say Sasquatch because the hole was HUGE!

OK, probably not a Sasquatch, I figured it was probably an armadillo because there were several small "rooting" places that are typical of those pesky little critters. I started to just fill in the hole but whatever it was had actually dug down below the patio slab and I was afraid it had decided to take up residence. If I filled in the hole, I surmised, and it was indeed having a little snooze, it would either A) just dig another hole and we'd be right back at the original problem; or B) suffocate and die under the patio and the accompanying decomp odor would be most unpleasant. Therefore, I decided to go on a night-time stake-out and if there was some unwanted tenant, I'd fill-in its new abode with large rocks mixed with the dirt while it was out foraging.

Well, I only lasted about 45 minutes before I was bored out of my mind (and finished my vodka/tonic) and decided there had to be an alternative plan. I snagged a bag of flour from mom's pantry (I hope she doesn't read this) and put down a nice coating of flour in and around the hole. I figured that if there was a resident varmint, it would displace the flour when it exited the premises and I'd know that I had to do something to evict it prior to filling the hole. Go ahead, say it with me...GENIUS!

The good news is that the flour was undisturbed this morning so I filled in the hole under the patio with concrete and will back fill the remaining hole tomorrow morning with dirt. The fun and adventures just keep on coming!




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