Friday, January 3, 2014

"Y'all Just Ain't Gonna Believe This..."

If you've read very many of my posts, you should have probably figured out at least a couple of things about me. First, that I have a bit of a warped sense of humor and second, I love stories, telling them and hearing them. Well, most of us grew up hearing fairy tales and bedtime stories that began with the words: "Once upon a time...". However, having grown up in God's country, our stories more often than not begin with: "Y'all just ain't gonna believe this, but..." Now, to be honest, some of the stories I have told, in some of my posts as well as in some of the tales I have told verbally, might have had a bit of "yarn" woven through them. However, some of the funniest, and most unbelievable, have been absolutely true. 

I wrote last time about some of the entertaining things I have seen while "people watching." This post is going to be about some of the other funny things I have seen during my wanderings..."Y'all just ain't gonna believe some of this" so I've included pictures to prove these things are all true (give or take a lie or two).

As we near the end of the Christmas season, we are all overwhelmed with signs that tell us of great savings to be had. In all honesty, I am guilty of "Christmas shopping" year round. My shopping, however, is not really promoted by promises of great savings, rather, I spot things, (usually during my wanderings) that just look like the perfect gift for ______________ so I snatch the item up and save it for Christmas, (or a birthday or an anniversary or...well, you know). This "Sale Today" sign, however, just cracked me up!

That's right, someone thought it would be a great marketing tool to have a sale in a cemetery. Now, I ask you, what the hell do they have "sales" on in a cemetery? Do they mark down the grave sites where bodies were formerly buried then moved? Do they have a section where there are additions to "mass graves" to which a loved one could be added, provided of course that no grave marker with particular names is required? Is there a section where caskets are buried vertically rather than horizontally so there is room for three to be included in a space normally reserved for just one? Really, what the heck are these people selling? This one is just too weird, even for me!

Then there are signs that just seem so different, (not that the one above doesn't fit that category too), that they definitely catch my attention. I saw this sign during a trip a couple of summers ago, as we were driving out of Washington, state. Apparently there is a problem with a particular insect larvae that causes disastrous effects on the Washington apple crop. I love apples so I'm glad they are actively fighting these little buggers, however, they really ought to find ways to warn us non-suspecting motorists that there are these types of signs along the roadways. I have to confess, when I saw this one, I started laughing so hard that I inadvertently left my lane then found it difficult to see through the tears gushing out of my eyes...I had to park on the shoulder until I was able to regain control...just too random!

Haime and I are carnivores. Oh sure, we'll include various greens on our plates too but that is not what we crave when we are satisfying our hunger. Now this sign, in the Houston area, is just too terrific to ignore. I wish I had a t-shirt with this on it when I lived in California. There were a couple of particularly bothersome people who worked for me there who were the most judgemental, obnoxious, and in-your-face vegetarians that I have ever met. I would have worn this shirt as a uniform as often as possible, just to "stir the pot." Sorry, as the restaurant chain "Rudy's" motto goes: "I did not claw my way to the top of the food chain to eat vegetables," just saying...   

I've put these two signs together and decided they should be categorized as "helpful hints." I don't think they need any additional explanation but I have a question about the one on the right...knowing there are large "cracks" in the roadway, wouldn't it have been easier, safer, more time efficient to just patch them rather than design, manufacture and install a sign warning people of these dangers? (As Arsenio Hall used to say: "things that make you go hmmmmmm).

Have a WONDERFUL, healthy, happy and prosperous New Year.


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